THE ART OF GIVING AND RECEIVING
Is Giving Really Better Than Receiving?
December, the month of colorful lights and holiday festivities. Also, the month when people go mad with holiday shopping in search for the perfect gift to give your loved ones. The excitement of seeing the look on their face when they open their gift. The anticipation and hope of receiving what you have been wishing for.
Which do you enjoy more, receiving or giving?
Is it really better to give then to receive?
A Little Overlooked fact:
Giving and receiving are similar – they work together. In order to give, there must be a receiver. One cannot exist without the other. Yet, most of us grew up in a world that emphasized to us that giving is better than receiving. So we go through our lives focusing on giving and avoiding receiving almost as a plague.
Giving makes us feel good about ourselves; strong, empowered, capable and proud.
Receiving on the other hand, is an uncomfortable place that makes us feel vulnerable, weak, powerless and embarrassed.
Last summer, I went on a day hike with a group of strangers, arranged by a company I regularly go on daily adventures with and always have an amazing time. (If you live in the NY area, I highly recommend checking them out at discoveroutdoors.com)
It was an unusual hot August day that reached 98 degrees, and the humidity was so high, it almost felt like hiking in a hot thick soup. It was a tough hike no matter how slow we walked and how many water/rest stops we took.
Heading back downhill after a nice lunch stop where we refreshed ourselves in the cool waters of a lake it took only a few minutes for the heat and humidity to sink in again. The harsh conditions started effecting some of the people in the group and they were struggling, we were all struggling, but some more than others. After another break where one of the girls was completely out of breath and not feeling well, I offered to carry her backpack for her. It took a lot of convincing and she was very uncomfortable with accepting my help.
But then I turned to her and asked her.
“If the situation was opposite, and I was struggling, would you offer to help me?”
“Of course I would” she answered.
“And if I accepted your help, how would you feel?”
“I would feel great. I love helping others and giving” she answered.
“Great”, I said to her, “Because I really like helping too. And for you to receive my help right now it is a great gift to me. One that I could not experience unless you allow me to give to you. So your receiving is actually a gift to me. Thank you”.
She turned around to me, and with an open smile of gratitude said. “Wow, I never looked at it this way. That is so true. Okay, yes, please help me with my backpack for a little bit until I feel stronger”.
And there it was, simple and empowering for us both; giving and receiving is the same thing.
When you can see giving and receiving in this perspective, there is much more power and gracefulness in both.
Asking for help and receiving help or any kindness from another is not a sign of weakness. When we receive with grace and gratitude, without the common resistance, we are giving our gifter a gift too.
Giving and receiving are intertwined.
The Art of Giving and Receiving
It is vital for any giver to have a receiver – the act of giving cannot be complete without a receiver.
This fact is often overseen – we often look at 'giving' as an act standing by itself. We perceive 'giving' as the ultimate positive characteristic.
Giving and Receiving vs. Doing and Taking
What is the difference between 'giving and receiving' and 'doing and taking'?
When we feel emptied and exhausted by 'giving, giving, giving' and feel we are not getting back – we are most probably in a 'doing' mode.
So…if your 'giving' is draining you, you probably are not allowing yourself to receive.
In order to really understand 'giving' we need to learn the 'Art of Receiving'.
The Law of Giving and Receiving
In order to keep energy and prosperity flowing, we have to keep the energy circulating.
Circulation keeps our planet and every living thing in it alive and vital. Plants, rivers, and of course us humans, are continuously participating in the cycle. What we eat becomes our flesh and bones and provides us with energy. What we extract goes back into nature and circulates into the earth where we grow our crops and feed our cattle.
Giving and receiving are different aspects of the flow of energy in the universe. If you stop the flow of either, you interfere with nature's intelligence.
Take your breath for example. Close your eyes for a few seconds and notice your breath. Notice how at the end of every exhale you are giving out into the world, there is an inhale right there, ready for you to receive. Now, try only giving – breathe out, continue to breathe out, out, out…how long did it take before you had to receive a breath and breathe in?
And how long can you breathe in and receive that breath for? Eventually, you will have to breathe that breath out and give it to the air.
The Art of Receiving
Every Giver needs a Receiver – so why does receiving make most of us feel uncomfortable?
We are offered a compliment and we find ways to brush it off – not accepting it.
Someone offers us help – and we quickly jump into the "No thanks, I'm fine... I'll manage..." mode.
Most of us associate receiving with shame and weakness – Where are you when it comes to RECEIVING?
Receiving requires us to open our hearts – become a vessel – letting go of our control and letting it happen...trust the giver and be humble.
Interestingly, receiving is the greatest gift of all, as I mentioned before, giving someone the gift of giving.
Here Are A Few Ways You Can Start Practicing Receiving
Once we learn to receive, giving will have a whole new meaning.
Receiving becomes giving and giving becomes receiving.
Over to you
Are you living in a mindset of a 'giver' or a 'receiver' ?
Are you noticing throughout your days opportunities to give and receive?
What gifts are you giving and what gifts are you receiving?
Feel free to share your thoughts and Responses below
in the comments.
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Thank you for this! I know I find it very hard to accept a compliment. But if I don’t accept, then the giver will have a harder time giving to me the next time!
Thank you so much for your comment Tricia. Yes, it’s so hard for us to receive even when it comes to a simple compliment. Instead of receiving it and saying ‘tank you’ enjoying and appreciating the compliment, without the need to minimize and find faults in what we were complimented for. And then, we try immediately to return a favor and compliment back. Yet when we give a compliment, we are not doing to be complimented back, nor are we doing it to have the receiver find faults. We do it because we want the receiver to feel good.
It takes some practice to receive a compliment and receive it with a joyful thank you and leaving it at that. But from experience, it creates a renewed freedom and a much better experience for both the giver and the receiver.
So thank you so much for your comment and your courage to share.
Never looked at “receiving” in this way. Something to think about. Thanks, Lian, for throwing another pebble in the pond..
Thank you Eileen. I’m glad the article intrigued a curiosity in you to explore new possibilities of the habitual perception we are taught about giving and receiving.
Thank you for being a loyal reader and commentator. 🙂
Loved it! I learned this the “hard way” more than a decade ago, when life circumstances pushed me out of my “I can do it” mode and put me in a situation where I had no other option but to receive… and then I realized it! Yes, it is such a gift for the giver and it is part of the nature of energy flow. And also a humbling experience to let myself feel the unconditional love and caring of other human beings.
You describe a painful yet beautiful process you went through. I think many of us need a ‘life lesson’ to understand that receiving and asking for help is a gift of its own.
Thank you so much for sharing, Sandy!
Beautiful article Lian! Your example is great to show people how to receive while feeling comfortable.
Thank you, Deni. I’m glad you enjoyed it.
Excelent article Lian, and thank you very much for the gift of sharing it with us.
I do agree 100% with your perspective of “Giving” and “Receiving” and their Circled & Continious movement.
There is no first no second act…………
Another word that you mentioned and resonates me a lot in the coreography of this 2 actions is “Gratitude”. I feel is like the background music that makes the dance of Giving & Receiving exists.
Have a beautiful day….and Be Happy
Hugo
Thank you so much, Hugo, I’m glad this article resonated with you. Yes, it is a very beautiful dance, and the more we open to it the more flowing it is. Gratitude is a big part of it. Wishing you a beautiful day of receiving and giving with ease.