7 Simple Ways to Deal With Disagreements Effectively
Seeking Similarities Over Differences
We find it easier to outcast and ostracize groups of people before we decide to love them for who they are and for their differences. We are all the same; we are human; we have skin, lungs, feet, hands, and teeth. So, what makes us so different?
In reality, we have far more similarities than differences if we look closely. And all too often, we focus more on the things that are different. If we come with the mindset of love and objectivity, we will begin to see people for who they truly are and not their labels, exterior appearances, or first impressions.
Some of you may already know my dog Pinto. He is a senior rescue dog I've taken in a little over a year ago from the Mr. Mo Project, which I adore for their fantastic work.
They have saved hundreds of dogs and have a vast family of just over 100 fosters, all gathered in a Facebook group where we share our dog news, support each other, and, when in need, ask for advice.
We care about each other's dog, as well as each other.
Kind of an unspoken comradery - we are a family of sorts.
What we have in common is a Mr. Mo dog (or two or more) in our home, a huge heart filled with compassion, kindness, and empathy.
The other day, I noticed a profile picture of one member of our family who supports a political party and view that is the opposite of mine.
Being that the political debate in our country has reached extreme levels that are seeping down to relationship conflicts and tearing our society apart, I was taken aback.
The conception of good vs. bad, judgment, and categorizing didn't seem to match what I've seen of this person.
I have a pre-determined deposition in my mind about people with the opposite political views of mine.
In my mind, it just didn't seem logical.
It didn't fit my image of the people who support what that political party represented and stands for.
That person is still the compassionate, kind, big-hearted, sweet, caring, and lovely person I got to know.
Her political values do not take away from her wonderful personality traits of who she is as a person.
The next day, browsing Facebook, I stumbled upon a post from a woman with a picture of a well-known and highly controversial celebrity. The caption had to do with the person's outfit and complimenting it.
I have harsh opinions about the person in the picture, and as such, my brain and passionate emotions automatically create my own inner spew of comments in my head.
(I keep those types of comments/thoughts well inside my brain, knowing they've triggered reactions that will do no good to no one if expressed).
Besides, the post was about the outfit, not the person in the picture. And I couldn't care less about the outfit.
I was about to continue scrolling when my eyes caught a glance at the comments.
An endless chain of angry, hateful, hurtful remarks were posted, none of which related to the outfit the woman was referring to.
No one commented about what the post was about - The outfit.
"Interesting..." As I was reading the daggers geared towards the woman who shared the picture, I thought.
Later that night, the woman shared a painfully vulnerable post letting people know how their harsh comments shook her, hurt her, and how bullied, defenseless and ostracized she felt.
It was a courageous act to face the heated internet crowd.
I felt for her.
I understood her.
We all felt that way and had a similar experience one time or another.
The next day, I visited a relative in the hospital recovering from surgery.
He was getting a blood transfusion, and I jokingly asked him if it was 'good' blood.
To which he replied jokingly, "I hope it's not from someone who's on the opposite political view than mine."
All three of the stories above came together for me at that moment.
They all embody a beautiful message we could all listen to more closely and more often.
Lesson Learned!
It's easy to judge from afar.
It's easy to separate and set apart from afar.
It's easy to antagonize from afar.
It's hard to hate from up close.
It's hard to separate when you're in the same boat.
It's hard to alienate when you are standing in the same place.
The Insight!
In our everyday life, we are more similar than different.
The truth is that out in the street, no matter what political view you may hold, we will all reach out to help in time of need.
Think about it.
If there is a car accident and people are hurt, those who run to help the injured do it from both sides of the political aisle.
And no, they don't stop to ask the injured person what their political views, immigration status, religion, or sexual orientation are before attending and helping.
When a person donates blood, they don't donate it with the condition that only a certain race, religion, or gender will receive it.
They do it to save another life.
Because despite what they are, Who they are, counts so much more.
They are human, kind, compassionate &caring.
They know the ups and downs of life like you.
In our core, up and close, we are much more similar than we are different.
The Invitation
So when you sit down to your Thanksgiving meal with your rebel relative with different political views than you or choose a different lifestyle than you, focus on the shared similarities you have.When your colleague, your neighbor, a person on the street, or a stranger on your social media, is expressing their political views, opinions, and perceptions, try to remember they are people, just like you!Most people struggle with these kinds of dialogue, lacking the confidence and emotional self-regulation to interact with others who have different opinions, mainly when emotions run high and differences of opinion are strong. Words can be uplifting and transformational, or they can be damaging and hurtful.Instead of diving into the same old arguments that lead nowhere and only add stress, controversy, and separation into the experience of what is supposed to be a day of gratitude, connection, and love, try something new.Focus on what you have in common, on how similar you are
All you got to do is find the common bond with the individual that you are different from.
So when you sit down to your Thanksgiving meal with your rebel relative with different political views than you or choose a different lifestyle than you, focus on the shared similarities you have.
When your colleague, your neighbor, a person on the street, or a stranger on your social media, is expressing their political views, opinions, and What drives people away from coming together is the idea that you will not have any similarities with a different 'group of people because it seems that our differentiation is raised on a skyscraper of a pedestal when really they are at easy reach.
The moment we see others as what we are, we can progress to celebrating the contrasts. We can all bring something to the table and learn from each other.
People tend to disagree when they don't understand each other. That does not mean you have to agree, just that you're open to hearing them out.
When you come to an understanding that most of us are more alike than we are different, you can begin to tolerate and accommodate--even appreciate--a different point of view.
7 Simple Ways to Deal With a Disagreement Effectively
Here's to celebrating Your similarities
Lian
P.S Want to learn more about The Mr. Mo Project and their amazing work? Check them out at https://www.mrmoproject.com
Great post! I couldn’t agree more. I love that you included, “Take responsibility for your own feelings.” Personal responsibility is so important to stay in relationship with others. P.S. I love that you rescued a senior dog. That has a special place in my heart. <3